1.  The roundest knight at King Arthur's Round Table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2.  I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

3.  She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4.  A rubber band pistol was confiscated in an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5.  The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

6.  No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

7.  A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8.  A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

9.  Two silk worms had a race.  They ended up in a tie.

10.  Time flies like an arrow.  Fruit flies like a banana.

11.  A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.  The police are looking into it.

12.  Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13.  Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.  One hat said to the other, "You stay here, I'll go on a head."

14.  I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.  Then it hit me.

15.  A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, "Keep off the Grass."

16.  A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.  When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, "No change yet."

17.  A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

19.  The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

20.  The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

21.   A backward poet writes inverse.

22.  In a democracy, it's your vote that counts.  In feudalism, it's your count that votes.

23.  When the cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

24.  Don't join dangerous cults, practice safe sects!